I’ve had a tough week. Premenstrual, which in perimenopause means a ramping up of all the ‘manifestations’ – migraines, insomnia, hot flushes, night sweats, and dark, dark moods.
My body is calling me to stop, to rest, to have peace and quiet, to go within. How do I let go of it all? Who can hold me so I can let go?
My cycle planner went out of the window when my cycle stretched to be longer this month…when the plan was meant to be I’d have finished my bleed by the time my kids dad went away for 6 days- except it hadn’t even come, and then it came in the middle, and I was at the end of my tether and I was on empty.
Nothing left to give….
Except as a mother of 2, I have to keep giving, keep making the packed lunches, keep the cupboards stocked, keep reading stories, playing card games, cooking dinners, providing healthy snacks (my goddess, they never stop eating!!)….keep going, keep going, keep going.
I don’t want to. I want to hand over responsibility. Who can I give it to?
Who holds the woman who holds the women?
The reality is we are all stretched to our limits, we are all doing too much, grandparents are having to work as our society gives them such little financial reward, all my friends are mothers who are exhausted mothering and working….the aunties are working, or mothering or in perimenopause…
I don’t have the answers, other than come back to the self, the self sufficiency us women are so good at.
Come back to our wombs, meditate, connect to Source, journal it out, have a foot bath, a bath with candles, give yourself a break from cooking and buy in some ready meals (I like All Plants!).
Really look at what nourishes us…in perimenopause we will no longer put up with the stuff that no longer feeds our souls. And while mothering is a very worthwhile cause…after 30 years of it I’m tired. It no longer nourishes me, at this point in my cycle, in my life, it drains me. In two weeks time, I may feel different- but who knows if i’ll even ovulate this month, I may just flatline the whole way. This darkness may linger a while.
My work nourishes me, being with women and hearing their healing stories nourishes me, being with women in perimenopause, who feel like me, feeds my soul- “yes, I feel like that too!”
Make more time for friends, for walks, for cups of nettle tea from a flask by the beach.
Back to acceptance, make some changes, slight adjustments, tomorrow is another day…
(C) Rachael Crow 2019
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